The Bermuda Triangle in the Atlantic Ocean is still something of an unsolved mystery with ships and aircraft in the area disappearing without a trace. There is another famous and equally enigmatic triangle that makes people disappear without a trace, the drama triangle. Now the drama triangle requires at least one participant, with no limit to how many can get involved, playing three mutually exclusive roles – VICTIM, RESCUER or PERSECUTOR.
But before we look at the roles, please note that the whole drama triangle is based upon something called codependence. Codependence is defined as “excessive emotional and psychological reliance on a partner (or other), typically one who requires support due to an illness or addiction” (Google Search). Sadly, because most human beings are ill or addicted to a degree, we are all at risk of losing ourselves in a drama triangle. But it is not only individuals, but also groups and even nations that can be consumed. A classic example of an international drama triangle underway right now is Ukraine, Russia and NATO. No guesses who is playing what, but bear in mind that these roles are quickly interchangeable, and therefore difficult to properly identify.
The victim believes that they simply cannot survive without support from others. The rescuer believes that it is their moral obligation to offer support. The persecutor believes that what they do for others, should in turn be done for them. Three beliefs, three expectations and three opportunities for disappointment. Let the games begin!!!
Now I am not saying that there will not be times when we are dependent on others for assistance, but when the premise of who we are is outward focused and needy, instead of inwardly aware and self-reliant, then we are skating on thin ice. Development psychologists point out that the evolutionary journey we should all take from cradle to grave involves three distinct stages – Dependence, Independence and Interdependence. When each stage is properly negotiated then the risk of being caught in a drama triangle is greatly reduced.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture which relies upon and reinforces dependency. As a result, we fail to evolve getting stuck in a grown-up version of dependency, namely codependence instead of moving effectively through independence in which we learn to rely on ourselves, to ultimate interdependence where the synergistic potential of many creative and fully alive individuals is harnessed. If you feel stuck in a drama triangle, can identify with the three conspirators, and would like to experience something else then please contact me, psychologist in Fourways.