Whilst humans are emotional creatures, our modern, fast paced, disconnected world sadly teaches us to be ashamed of our feelings. Our ‘terrible two tantrums’ are often mishandled by our over-stretched and ill-equipped parents, leaving us feeling more painfully alone, confused and frustrated than we were before. We end up wishing we didn’t have feelings as they only seem to trigger more conflict, drama and pain with those we love.
Family life is where we learn the basics of human communication, relationships and interdependence. Unfortunately, the development of the nuclear family has placed a greater burden of responsibility on ever younger shoulders than were available in the extended family of the more ancient times of village and tribe. Instead of engendering trust through care, patience and understanding, these more recent dynamics can be pressurized and even brutal, forcing youngsters to walk away from their true natures in search of a more acceptable and less affected way of being in the world. In the words of Faust, we sell our souls to the highest bidder, learning quickly who not to cross swords with.
We are broken-in like wild colts to be teachable, compliant and ‘good’. In the process we bury our hearts, we leave them behind, and we believe what’s going on outside of us is far more important than what’s happening inside of us. We fail to understand ourselves and we fail to understand others. We become participants in the ongoing drama triangle of human co-dependence, constantly seeking validation from others, because we don’t know how to process our own emotions and be our true selves.
And so, the resurrection of the human heart becomes a personal responsibility. I am responsible for my heart being put right, and you are for yours. It makes me think of the children’s poem about Humpty Dumpty. Remember, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. The only one who can put you together again is you, and the only one who can me back together again is me. Of course, having a soul teacher who can support your quest to recover your heart can be invaluable. Martha Beck in her book “The way of Integrity” certainly was my soul teacher when I desperately needed help. There’s a saying from her book “When the student is ready, the teacher arrives”. If you are ready, please feel free to contact me, psychologist in Fourways. .