As human beings, we can think about our thinking, which is an extraordinary ability. Unfortunately, we are conditioned to not think at all. Like a fleet of refuse trucks, we are loaded with rubbish – waste products that those before us were forced to believe, generation after generation. The spoken and written word have been the medium for passing on these ideas and beliefs, which we each must learn to process optimally if we are to live our best lives. Fake news has exposed how all information needs to be treated with discernment and wisdom, not blindly consumed as gospel truth. The search for truth has been an enduring quest through the ages, and developing mental flexibility ensures that our roadmaps of reality are constantly being updated.
Byron Katie in ‘Loving What Is’, says that reality is often kinder than our thinking about reality. This shows how most of us live with lenses that distort reality, and it’s our thinking patterns that need to change. She introduces ‘The Work’, to help reveal our automatic thinking patterns when we have been triggered and are in pain. ‘The Work’ teaches us to expose, examine and turn around our thoughts and beliefs. If you find yourself caught in a cycle of emotional pain and suffering, you can be sure it’s an invitation from your unconscious self to liberate you from mental slavery.
Because so few of us have learnt to think about our thinking, we are prisoners of our minds. But once you know how to do ‘the work’, you are one step closer to peace, freedom and joy. Let me give you an example of an automatic thought, which is usually irrational too, based upon childhood wounding; ‘I am stupid and will always mess things up.’ So having identified this thought or belief, it’s time to do ‘the work’. Firstly, we take the thought to court by examining it properly via inquiry. Inquiry consists of four questions.
- Is it true?
- Can I absolutely know that it is true? (What Katie calls the ‘disconfirming question’ to liberate us from the vice-grip of our own thinking patterns)
- How do I react when I think this thought?
- How would I be without the thought – if I couldn’t think it?
In our example, the answer to 1 might initially be ‘yes’, the answer to 2 is always ‘no’ because we can’t absolutely know anything, the answer to 3 is usually something negative like ‘I withdraw or feel sad’, and the answer to 4 is usually positive and liberating like ‘I feel relaxed or comfortable’. The inquiry creates space and motivation to practice the all-important turnaround, where we take the original thought and turn it around in our mind by changing the wording slightly to introduce new perspectives. With each turnaround statement we ask ourselves whether it is true or truer than the original thought.
- ‘I am not stupid and don’t always mess things up.’ (The 180 degrees opposite)
- ‘Others are stupid and will always mess things up.’
- ‘My thinking says I am stupid and will always mess things up.’
Through the turnarounds, your brain will naturally embrace anything that is more truthful and believable. In this way you are developing mental flexibility by loosening the vice-grip of entrenched patterns of thinking whilst at the same time moving into an expanding territory of consciousness and clarity. If you would like to find out more, please contact me – psychologist in Fourways.