Understanding the difference between our needs and wants is important to live our best lives. I believe that when our individual needs are adequately met, then our wants will be positive and constructive. Currently this is not the case, as we see how divided and conflictual humans are. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a theory of motivation which states that five categories of human needs dictate an individual’s behavior. He illustrated these in a pyramid, with physiological needs forming the broad base, followed by safety needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs, and at the very top, self-actualization needs. I would suggest that these needs are directly correlated with the stage of life we find ourselves in.
There are three distinct life stages – dependence, independence, and interdependence. Dependence takes place in the first 18 years of life, where we are largely dependent on others for our needs, with physiological, safety, love and belonging needs being primary. In this stage there is a great deal of input from the outside via the three pillars of modern society, namely the nuclear family, organized religion, and formal education. The second stage of life is independence, roughly between 18 and 30, where we are challenged to depend on ourselves more for the first three needs, as well as self-esteem. Finally, we reach interdependence, usually from 30 onwards via collaborative, give-and-take relationships, be it our careers, life-partners, or communities, in which we depend on others and ourselves to satisfy all five needs, including self-actualization.
I think the problem arises when we don’t move progressively through the three stages of life, but often get stuck in stage one, dependency. From 18 onwards we are still depending on others to meet our needs, instead of learning how to be independent. This means that our esteem and self-actualization needs are thwarted, resulting in so much of the pain and frustration we see in the world today. Without a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives, which comes from interdependence, we fail to appreciate the wonderful gift of life. When human needs are not adequately met, then our wants tend to become negative and destructive, instead of positive and constructive. We see the world through a lens of unmet needs, and others as threatening our survival, or benefiting at our expense, triggering fear, anger, guilt, shame, and sadness. The resulting scourge of competition drives up interpersonal conflict between individuals, communities, and nations.
The solution lies in assisting people to become truly independent. When you give a man or woman a fish, they remain dependent, but when you give them a fishing rod, they become independent. The truth is that we have both a fish and a fishing rod inside of each of us – something that can both feed us and sustain us. My mission is to teach people of all ages and stages of life to be independent, by learning to nurture their nature. Within each of us is the sum of an extraordinary evolutionary journey spanning millions of years, bringing massive inherent wisdom and understanding. If we would just take the time to reconnect with ourselves at a body, heart, head, and soul level, we can unlock our instinctive creativity, confidence, and clarity. As a result, we will fulfill our needs, and our wants will be constructive and healing for the entire ecosystem.