To be human is to feel. If we didn’t feel, we wouldn’t be human. So, what are we to do with our feelings? The most important thing we can learn to do is identify what we are feeling, acknowledge what we are feeling, and most importantly, express what we are feeling.
To identify what you are feeling, there is a simple way of categorizing feelings on one hand starting with your thumb, namely ‘Mad, Bad, Sad, Glad and Afrad’. Mad is anger, Bad is guilt (for something we have done) or shame (for who we are), Sad is hurt or depression, Glad is joy or happiness, and Afrad is fear. All other emotions are derived from these ‘big five’ primary emotions.
Once you have identified what you feel, the next thing is to acknowledge what you feel. This involves taking some time out to just look at what is going on inside you and once you can put your finger on it, simply acknowledge it to yourself. In the Pink Floyd song, the line ‘I have become comfortably numb’ indicates that acknowledging feelings is often difficult as we learn to suppress our own awareness of emotions.
Finally, and most importantly, it is to express what we are feeling. This is the big step of liberation, based upon the saying, ‘The truth will set you free!’ What I recommend you do when it comes to expressing your feelings is to take yourself alone to a private place, perhaps an empty room where you can lock the door, lie down on the ground on your side in the fetal position, and then use the Fuck word as many times as necessary. By repeating the word, Fuck, fuck, fuck, you are peeling away the layers of social conditioning that prevent you from being entirely honest with yourself and others. Then make it personal by trying to express what it is that you are feeling, for example ‘I feel angry!’ or ‘I feel disappointed!’ or ‘I feel insecure!’.
I liken this process to dealing with food poisoning. I don’t know about you, but I hate vomiting. It’s just a very upsetting and painful process, so I would rather suffer the poisoning than bring it all up. And yet, once it’s out of my system, I immediately start to feel better. Well, it’s the same principal at work here. By using such a visceral and real word, fuck, fuck, fuck, is like sticking your finger down your throat to get all the ‘negative’ feelings out. What follows is usually time on the floor being very honest and the more you can express it through gestures and grimacing and giving it your all, the more validated and liberated you will eventually feel, as the wave of emotions wash over you and then pass on.
When you know how to go to the floor and really express your feelings, you won’t be afraid of feeling whatever you feel, because there is a way through. If you would like some assistance with your feelings, please contact me, psychologist in Fourways..