Most people are not living the real version of themselves, but a false version. The reason for this is adaptation. As humans we have developed an instinctive ability to adapt to our social environment, much like a chameleon changing color to match its surroundings. From a young age we learn to behave in ways that are considered acceptable and normal by our primary caregivers – parents, teachers, and preachers. Role modelling ensures that certain cultural norms and values are passed from one generation to the next. Unfortunately, the downside of this survival strategy is we clone ourselves on the previous generation’s behavior patterns instead of evolving based upon our species’ natural creativity, confidence, and clarity.
The result of such behavior is the counterfeit version of humanity we see all around us today with its negative side effects – compliance, conformity, and complacency, resulting in corruption, crime, and conflict. Instead of healthy independence, we are pathologically dependent – a degenerative species, like a swarm of locusts devouring everything before us. This is so far from who we really are, and if Covid-19 taught us anything, it is time for a worldwide awakening. Will the real you and I please stand up because this madness needs to end!
“But if we are not the real versions of ourselves, then who and where are they?!?” Good question and one I want to answer. The real you, the genuine, magnificent, incredible, and wondrous Mpho, Leah, Stacey, Adrian, Ali, Tebogo and Karim, are buried deep down, and I mean deep down, inside of you. They are still there, waiting for the day when you come back to you, taking the time to rediscover and reconnect with those parts of you that you left behind so long ago. As a psychologist, I concur with Freud that the first six years of life are the most impressionable and formative, followed by the second to twelve, and third to eighteen. By the time we leave high school and home we have been conditioned far away from our real and natural selves. But fortunately, the unconscious mind in its wisdom knows exactly what’s gone down and will be calling us back.
This is why depression and anxiety are basically healthy phenomena, the unconscious mind saying you need to come home and reintegrate with the real you. Otherwise, your life’s potential will not be fulfilled or fulfilling. Unfortunately, we now have so many distractions to prevent us from feeling the pull – alcohol, drugs, DIY, food, medication, possessions, recreation, religion, sex, technology, television, travel, work. Hence the 21st century conditions of burnout, cancers, diabetes and heart-disease, eventually stop us in our tracks with a serious message – ‘Get your shit together or else!’ When I finally responded to my wakeup call, I was 58.
I am pleased to announce that the real me is now in the house, for which I (and those around me) am incredibly grateful. Through daily practices of nurturing my nature at a body, heart, mind, and soul level, I have become a man of presence. I now trust that what is on the inside of me is just as important and valuable as what’s on the outside. As a result, I choose to consciously breath giving me control over my nervous system; I choose to emotionally self-regulate when triggered; I choose to work on my thoughts developing mental flexibility and freedom; and I choose to meditate every day observing how my mind attaches to things as I gently bring it back. Through all these conscious practices of presence, including morning pages, cold showers and swims, I am no longer a slave to culture, but an autonomous and responsible human being, connected to my inner nature and the lifeforce within everything, free at last to be me.